Student Outreach, Part 2

It's common to get a patient who tends to be a little chatty, where every question probing his or her medical history unearths more than we might bargain for. As the dust is kicked up we have to somehow sort out the jewels from the junk. We have to master the art of cutting people off politely. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy talking to patients. But when your time is limited, you have to draw the line somewhere. Unfortunately, spending less time with patients would potentially mean missing out on such great conversational gems as the following...

A patient told me that she once went into a coma from smoking a joint that had been laced with cocaine and heroine and PCP and god knows what else. Interesting, but irrelevant to her current health.

A patient once told me she was "oversexed." Not sure what to make of that. Actually, I do, but I don't need a mental picture.

I once saw a patient who had been hit by a train and a semi and was shot by a cop. Thankfully, not all on the same day. Otherwise, he might be Jack Bauer.

A lady once told me she substituted ground turkey for beef in some burritos she made for her husband, and he didn't even find out, nor did he believe her when she told him!!! I love turkey, too, but irrelevant, and not that exciting.

A patient told me her urine turned orange because of a certain medication (Phenazopyridine Hydrochloride), but it was normal. Now, that's interesting, relevant, and educational, AND I got to see her pee! I mean pee as in the noun, not the verb. That's gross.

I once talked to a patient for a long, long time since her answer to every question rivaled a Homerian epic. I didn't really have a time schedule, so I didn't mind. Finally, one of the doctors in the clinic entered our room to check up on me, fearing that I had dropped off the face of the earth. No, I had simply been lulled into sedation by a siren's song about her diabetes and urinary tract infections. The doctor spoke with her for a bit and managed to sum up in a few minutes what had taken me much longer. As the doctor was writing up some final notes for her files, she said that she just remembered something, which she always forgot to mention on prior visits because she was never around long enough. She pulled off her boots to reveal some pretty bad edema and cellulitis, likely complications from her diabetes. A full physical would have caught this, but those are rare in a free clinic. She was also a returning patient, and logically, we simply ask returning patients about new complaints, how they're doing with their meds, etc. The swelling in her lower extremities developed slowly over time, so it didn't have the urgency that one might expect upon looking at her legs. Thus, it was easy for it to slip her mind. It was just fortunate this time that I had seemingly piddled around when I could have had her in and out of the clinic in a few minutes. Under normal circumstances, that's probably what I would have done. But I was new at the clinic and assumed I was supposed to wait for the doctor. I guess I was supposed to go find him when I was done questioning the patient. Oops, my bad. But then again, maybe not?